Of False Rumours and Death Threats
by whirlwinds of watercolours
Summary: At the end of her fourth year, Lily Evans receives a strange letter.


**Title: Of False Rumours and Death Threats**

**Summary: At the end of her fourth year, Lily Evans receives a strange letter.**

**Author: Memento Vivere**

**Rating: K plus, for death threats, hence the title...**

**Word Count: 926**

**Written for: The Rumours Competition; 'Stretch Your Limits' Competition: Hard; School Subjects Competition: History of Magic.**

**A/N: Thanks to _Emma Quinn _and_ VenusInHerHair_! Liza, I hope you enjoy your rather early Christmas present! It's not exactly, fluffy, but well...**

* * *

_Dear Lily-Flower,_

_Did you know that someone saw us having that civil conversation on the Hogwarts Express and thought that we had finally gotten together? Don't you wish that it was true?_

_Lovingly yours,_

_Your Future Husband_

* * *

_Dear Potter,_

_Firstly, let me clear this up: I DO NOT HAVE A FUTURE HUSBAND, AND EVEN IF I DID HIS LAST NAME WOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE POTTER._

_Secondly, my name is Lily. Not Lily-Flower. Please get it right before I hex you into the next millennium._

_Thirdly, I don't care if someone saw us having the one and only civil conversation we will ever have in our lives._

_Now that we've gotten that out of the way, how on earth did you get my address?_

_Un-lovingly and so not yours,_

_Lily _Evans

* * *

_Dear Lily _Evans_,_

_If changing my last name is what it'll take to win your heart, I will. James Evans has a nice ring to it, don't cha think?_

_However, I believe Lily-Flower sounds nicer than Lily Evans, hence I shall continue to address you as Lily-Flower._

_But I'm afraid to say that someone has unfortunately spread that news around and I'm betting half my Galleons that one-third of the school already knows. (Sorry, Lily-Flower. I didn't want to ruin the happy little bubble of life you live in, but Sirius is forcing me to write this.)_

_It was Marlene who gave me your address. Hope ya don't mind!_

_Breaking my heart with that last sign-off,_

_James Evans_

* * *

_Dear James _Potter_,_

_I will never marry anyone with the given name of James Harold and the surname of Potter. I'd rather marry the Giant Squid or a Hippogriff than an arrogant toe-rag like yourself._

_Call me Lily-Flower again and I'll cut your neck off with a Severing Charm, mount your head on a plaque and hang it on the wall to display. It would make for a nice ornament, wouldn't it? Adds _life_ to my bland wall._

_Do you happen to have the name of the person who spread the rumour around? I'd like to pay them a little… shall we say, _visit_ for not keeping their big mouth shut._

_And of course I don't mind. I really don't mind spending a lovely morning shut up in my room, writing a letter to a bloody git when I could be outside enjoying the sunshine with Severus. At least he's nicer than you._

_Very surprised you even have a heart in the first place,_

_Lily _Evans

* * *

_Dear Lily _Evans_,_

_I feel a bit insulted here. You place me in a lower category than a _Hippogriff_ and the _Giant Squid_? You must be barking._

_Fine, fine, Lily_ Evans_. Evans, not flower. Evans, not flower. Flower, not Evans. Evans, not flower. I'm getting really confused._

_Unfortunately, no, I do not know the name of the person. Or should it be fortunately? I happen to know what it's like to be faced with the wrath of Lily Evans (or is it Flower?)…_

_You compare me to. Snivellus? He and. I don't belong in the same sentence, hence the spacing. I'm much more brilliant and, you know, _hygienic_._

_Very certain there is an organ pumping blood in my body,_

_James _Potter

* * *

_Dear Lily,_

_Hey! How are you? Are you enjoying your summer holidays?_

_I know that I said I would be going to France with my family, but unfortunately, I caught a cold and had to stay behind. The house-elf is looking after me now while my brothers and sisters are enjoying their holiday. How wonderful._

_But anyway, what's this I hear? Surely you aren't dating James, of all people? I thought you hated him! You two had a bad impression ever since your first meeting! What caused this change of heart?_

_But at any rate, I wish you two a happy relationship!_

_Looking forward to your reply,_

_Marlene_

* * *

_Dear Lily,_

_I hope you're well._

_I'm just going to cut to the chase; you're dating James Potter?! What has the world come to?! The Apocalypse must be near for you to even become _friends_, let alone boyfriend and girlfriend!_

_Love,_

_Dorcas_

* * *

_Dear Marlene,_

_I'm doing great, thanks for asking!_

_Aww, what a pity. Hope you recover soon and enjoy your holidays!_

_For Merlin's sake, whoever said I was dating James? I thought he meant it as a joke in order to bombard me with letters! You're saying someone actually saw us?_

_We are _not_ in a relationship, by the way. Ever. I told him I'd rather marry the Squid or a Hippogriff._

_Hope you're well!_

_Lots of love,_

_Lily_

* * *

_Dear Dorcas,_

_I am well, thanks for stating that so matter-of-factly._

_No, I'm not dating James Potter! I just received a letter from Marlene telling me the exact same thing! Maybe that Xeno Lovegood bloke was right, wracksputters or whatever they're called have gotten to all of you!_

_Love,_

_Lily_

* * *

_Dear _Potter_,_

_I am going to kill you for making me have that conversation with you._

_I just received two letters from Marlene and Dorcas, telling me the same thing: James Potter and Lily Evans are in a romantic relationship._

_I am going to _kill_ you, and I'm going to enjoy it very, very much._

_Preparing a set of Muggle knives,_

_Lily Evans_

* * *

_Dear Lily Evans,_

_Hey, it's not my fault I'm horrible at Charms and needed some help with the stupid Accio Charm! You can't kill me for that! It's illegal!_

_Feeling very nervous,_

_James Potter_

* * *

_Dear James Potter,_

_I can and I will._

_Beginning a debut as a murderer,_

_Lily Evans_


End file.
